Redefining Resilience: Letting Go of the Weight

Resilience is a word I’ve heard my entire life. It’s been used to describe my strength, my ability to navigate hardships, and my capacity to keep moving no matter what comes my way. And as Black women, it’s a word that’s often attached to us like a badge of honor. But here’s the thing—it’s a complicated badge. One that comes with an invisible weight we’re not always allowed to acknowledge.

We’re told to be resilient as if it’s the only option we have. From childhood, we’re taught to persevere, to overcome, to keep our heads up, even when the world feels stacked against us. And yes, there’s beauty in that strength, in the grit that gets us through—but what’s rarely discussed is what that kind of resilience can cost us.

For me, resilience has been both a gift and a challenge. It’s been my survival tool in the hardest moments—navigating homelessness, building my career, pushing through the odds. But it’s also left me drained. The constant expectation to “just keep going” doesn’t leave much room for rest, vulnerability, or even joy. It’s as if the world only values us when we’re pushing ourselves to the brink.

The truth is, being labeled resilient can feel like a trap. It becomes this unspoken rule: You don’t get to be tired. You don’t get to say you need help. You don’t get to just exist. And that’s not sustainable. That’s not freedom.

I believe it’s time to redefine resilience. To shift away from seeing it as something we owe to the world and start thinking about it as something we use for ourselves. Resilience should be a choice, not an expectation. It should serve us, not deplete us.

This redefinition starts with giving ourselves permission to rest and heal. To lean on our communities and let others hold us up when we need it. It means recognizing that resilience doesn’t mean enduring everything on our own—it’s also knowing when to ask for help. It’s creating space for softness and joy, for the moments that remind us that life is about more than just survival.

And as we let go of the old narrative, we also have to challenge the systems that put so much pressure on us to begin with. Because let’s be honest, resilience isn’t something Black women are born with; it’s something society has demanded from us. We’ve had to be strong because the world hasn’t given us the option to be anything else. And while we’re incredible for rising to those challenges, we deserve a world where we don’t have to.

This is the conversation I’m exploring in my latest Substack article, where I dive deeper into what it means to reclaim resilience on our own terms. It’s about moving away from survival mode and into a space where we can thrive. If this resonates with you, I’d love for you to read the full piece here.

And if you’re interested in more on this topic, I recommend “The Problem with Black Resiliency” by Duke Global Health. It’s an insightful read that unpacks the systemic forces behind the resilience narrative.

Let’s rewrite what resilience looks like for us. Not as a burden we carry, but as a strength we choose. Not as a way to prove ourselves, but as a way to honor our humanity. You don’t always have to be strong, y’all. Sometimes, just being is more than enough.